Do you think I'm beautiful?

Hey everybody!
ok so with all the blogs ive been making... only one is actually talking bout something besides my comics lol so i thought id let out some thoughts.

well u guys may know that it was my bday like more than a week ago but... im gettin all the pressies now :P and ive noticed a pattern in what ppl got me. Scarf, gloves, bag, jumper, top, jacket, jewellery and secret pressies to come that are apparently fashionable too.

me: Are you guys trying to tell me I'm a dag? *raises eyebrow*
Max: No. *takes hands* We're just trying to make you realise your 'potential'
me: *rolls eyes*

Most of you know that i act like i don't want to change by being more girly or more attractive. But to tell you the truth... it IS an act. But the other truth is... i dun really know how to do that. oh wait... you guys obviously already knew that lol

but yeah i guess ever since i was a youngster, i was like... the 'meh' girl. 'Meh' girl is the girl that has attractive friends and compared to them... shes just plain. Her friends would always get asked out but she would never get a guy to look at her that way.

Going back to the pressies thing, I also got a book called "Do you think I'm beautiful?" and the subtitle says "The question every woman asks". Reading that, I was just like "Pfft... I dont ask that" *sticks chin in air like shes got so much self-esteem she doesn't need to read the book* But I started reading the book this afternoon and the way the author described her childhood was kinda related to mine. She was a 'meh' girl and the quarterbacks would call her name, pull her aside... then ask if they had a chance with her gorgeous friends. I had that too.

but yeah most ppl wouldnt call me pretty until my later highskool years. but even after that... I still feel like I want to be noticed more, to be gorgeous on the outside and... well basically adored. It sounds horrible... but the author made it pretty clear that almost every girl has that desire. I don't think i'm as insecure as the author described herself... but she did make me realise that i was just pretending that i didnt want attention and physical beauty. i used to say that God has blessed me with a 'guy repellent' to keep me out of trouble. its been working pretty well i think, but at the same time, I kinda had that feeling of wanting someone to tell u how beautiful you are, without you asking them the age old question "how do i look?"

So i thought about this a bit... and then the author described her lowest point of struggling with this desire that seemed to be impossible to fulfilled. she was lieing on the floor, crying and then said to God:

God, do YOU think I'm beautiful? No one else has been able... so is it You? Tell me that you love me. Tell me that You'll fight for me. Tell me that I am beautiful.

then she sensed God patiently smiling over her, saying to her heart:

Yes, I think that you are beautiful. Your deirie has served its purpose; you have finally brought your true heart to Me. Are you tired of hoping that someone else could fill the place that was meant for Me? I see you, I know all of you... I see your sin and I see your flaws and I still love you. You are incredibly beautiful to Me.

how awesome is that? the fact that no one else knows my flaws, my weaknesses and wordly desire the way God does and He loves me more than any other. That's real love. That's what ive been wanting all my life... and the thing is... I've always had it. It's only when I opened my eyes to God's love that i realised it. There's no one i could trust more. No one could find me more beautiful and precious than Him. Mushy sounding, I know. But i dont really care :D He is my comfort, my sheild, my Father, my Lord, my shepherd, my creator and my friend. and when I meet God in heaven... I wanna hear him say... "Frances... you are beautiful."